Floridiots

January 2005 was the month that I moved away from good ol' New Hampshire and moved to what I now refer to as "Gods Waiting Room" also known as Florida. Yeah this is not exactly the most sane decision I have made, but it was essential to move on with my life. Here I am 2 and a half years later and I can tell you that I can see why Fark has a headline tag specifically dedicated to Florida.
For a few years I would read the website Fark and get a good laugh from it because the headlines are all based upon how mass media is trying to pass junk off as News. The site added a headline tag specifically for Florida because of how many stupid things happen in this state.
Seriously there are so many dumb things that go on here that it makes you wonder what it is that causes all of the problems that are happening here. So, in the last 2 years I have begun to amass a list of what causes all the moronic activity. Even with the observations that I have made, I can tell you that I think I am only scratching the idiotic surface of the stupidity vein that runs clear through Florida.

10)General Stupidity - This is coming in at number 10 because I am an optimist and I would like to be one of those the believe that there aren't that many people that are born to be stupid. So, yeah there are some that are going to be dumb, it happens in every town / city / suburb, there will always be a group of people that were just born without the ability to learn from their mistakes or from the errors of those around them.

9) Cultural Differences - Talk about melting pot. Florida attracts people from all walks of life, not just because of the amusement attractions like you find in Orlando, but because of its location. Lots of water, warm weather, and the fact that is one of the easiest ways to get into the USA. While I get emails from friends and family that say "Things were simpler in the 60's and people that wanted to become American's would learn to speak English", Florida is the land of disagreement. There are people that actually get annoyed at the fact that I don't speak Spanish. It's amusing to me because I have made a number of friends that all speak Spanish, and so I have made an effort to try and learn a little bit. While I am not very good at it, hell I can't even string simple sentences together yet, I can understand some of the basics. But as a society in general we cater to the minority and instead of requiring change, we are trying to force the environment to change... I believe this was the Angus Bethume theory, and while it worked in the movie Angus, it doesn't quite work so well in reality.

8) Lifestyle Differences - In Boca Raton, an area called "Millionaires Row" is located on a waterway near the ocean. Everything around it is very ritzy, but less than 2 miles away is when you start to get into the "lower class" areas. Another 2 miles from that you have a damn good chance that you will be mugged if you look like you don't belong. The ghetto area here are not racially different they are based upon country. You have Brazillian ghetto, Dominican ghetto, Mexican ghetto, Puerto Rican ghetto, and each of them act as though they are in their home countries. Their flags are everywhere, and they don't like it if you don't speak their language. My first apartment was in the Brazillian ghetto area, it seemed nice at first, and after a little while I was accepted as someone that wasn't going to cause problems, but I can tell you that trust was something that is not easy to earn in that area, especially considering there is no way I could ever pass off as being anything other than Irish/Scottish. There were days when I would go out to my car and see kids sitting on it waiting to go to school. I use to use my auto start to get rid of them because telling them to move would have put me higher on the list of cars getting keyed or broken into.

7) Family Surroundings - Lots of people have very family oriented lives here. That can be good and bad at the same time. There are lots of people here that are on welfare, they work for a couple months get fired and then jump on welfare. They are doing the same thing that their parents did. Why work when you can get free money. Why spend the money on things that are necessary when you can use it to buy 28" rims and a truck suspension for your 1982 Chevy Impala. I have to say that while I am all for family life and instilling moral values in children, there should be a government program that says that if you are on welfare, or if you are not actively trying to work, then you are not allowed to have children. If we are going to impose societal laws that tell people how they should act, what they should wear, and what they should do, then they should be told that if they are going to leach off of those that work they cannot have children and train them to do more of the same. There is a lot of this going on around this country, but it still adds to the outcome of stupidity here.

6) Education - Boca Raton has over 20 middle schools, and more than 15 high schools. I have never been to their middle schools or high schools but they are obviously not teaching the kids properly. When you drive past these schools and see the bars on the windows on all the schools it only makes you wonder what kind of education these kids are getting. Boca isn't Boston or New York or Newark it shouldn't have to bar up the windows on almost all of their grade schools.

5) Weather - Weather is erratic in Florida, between Hurricanes, intense heat, and flash flooding, the weather makes everyone crazy. There are no season changes and there for it is the same all year long. Hurricanes cause rioting (Hurricane Wilma forced a curfew into effect, and the cops were swarming everywhere), the slightest hint of rain causes people to fear a flash flood so their driving gets worse, a couple drops of rain, and people will hit there emergency lights and jam their brakes. I also think that the heat has a tendency to boil the brains of the people down here. Lots of people that bitch about air conditioning when the temp is 105 outside with 80% humidity, means that there is something wrong with them.

4) Age - Ok this is a big reason for stupidity. It would seem that most people get smarter as they get older, but the problem is that you have people that are sick of the winters and they decide that they should move on. So imagine my surprise when I was trying to find a decent place to live and the places that were all within my price range were 50+ communities. HA! So in a time when we are so concerned by discrimination, there are dozens of communities that anyone younger than 50 years old is told "you are not allowed to live here because you are too young". Ok so the least expensive places to live are the ones that are only renting to those that have made their money and have decided to retire. The other thing is every day I see teenagers being ticketed or standing outside of a wrecked car because mommy and daddy bought their precious little dumbass either an SUV, a Mercedes, or a juiced up rice rocket that they sup up with NOS, and promptly crash it. Yeah they have this everywhere, but keep in mind there are new kids that have seen "The Fast and the Furious" all the time and they spend all of their money making their cars faster, and you have to keep in mind these are the kids that think that they know everything. Hey I remember being 18, I remember thinking that I was far more intelligent than my parents and everyone around me. Well do some really stupid things and get caught, it might be the only way to give you the intelligence to realize that you are not as smart as you think. Wisdom usually comes with age, but then so does Alzheimer's. So you have a state loaded with the elderly that always drive under the speed limit, and kids that always drive over the speed limit... yah this is a combination that is going to fly really well.

3) Religion - There is a road in Boca called Yamato. There are buildings that are tied to every major religion you can think of. I swear that it is out of control to see that every 50 yards there is another sign for a different religious organization. Also Boca is known to be a place that the New York Jewish snowbirds love to travel to. So it comes to no surprise to me that my current apartment is located within 3 miles of 6 different Temples, a Jewish cemetery, and 2 Jewish schools. Religion can drive anyone crazy because they follow it so intently. I have to say that I am absolutely sick of seeing the Jesus fish on the back of peoples cars. I am tired of people pushing their religion on everyone else. It was only 2 months ago I had someone knock on my door and ring my doorbell repeatedly at 6:30 in the morning. It was a couple of Mormons. I have to admit the intelligence of the guy knocking on my door was definitely up there, and I can only say this because he was banging on my door and when I finally answered and he told me why he was knocking made sure that I knew he wasn't alone.... he had a little girl with him. She couldn't have been more than 7 years old. By putting her there, it put me in the position that I would rely on my better nature, and not swear up a storm at him in front of her for waking me up. It also put him in a better position to keep me from slamming the door in his face, but it didn't stop me from leaning in close to him and telling him that I worked late the night before, I have no interest in his religion, and if he didn't leave immediately I would call the cops to report a creepy old man dragging a little girl around with him. Needless to say he never showed up at my place again. I really have no remorse for those that waste their time trying to convince other people to change their minds about which deity they choose to worship in the privacy of their minds.

2) Beliefs - Very different from religion. People have some crazy ass beliefs, and they can cause all kinds of problems. Some people believe that just because they spend all their time in one area with a bunch of their friends they "own" that area, and everyone else should stay away. Some people believe that if you wear a specific color its because you support or believe in something else, gangs usually cause these problems. There are a lot of people that spend their time bitching about the state of the country. They believe that their candidate would be a better person to have in power... yeah like anyone that is in power isn't going to abuse it for their own personal interests. Seeing people cruise around with "Kerry/Edwards" stickers still on their car or "Is it 2008 yet?" on their car just goes to show you how people's beliefs can cause more problems. These are the same idiots that couldn't figure out how to vote for their candidate in the first place! The same idiots that said "Now that we have a democratic congress we are going to turn things around" and can't seem to get out of their own way fast enough, or make a decision that is going to make a difference. So beliefs are a good thing to have, but there are just too many people that waste their time trying to force these beliefs on others, and then get pissed when someone doesn't agree with them.

1) Adaptation (or lack thereof) - There are many people that have no idea how to adapt to a different climate. I can tell you that when I moved from NH I knew things would be different. I knew that should not expect snow, and that the summers would be loaded with rain, and that hurricanes are inevitable. So whenever they said "Hurricane watch in effect" I reacted the same way they said "Blizzard watch in effect" in NH, I filled my gas tank, got a couple bottles of water and made sure I had some canned food. So when hurricane Wilma hit and the power went out I didn't freak out like just about everyone else. There were people that were bitching about how they didn't get enough warning about a hurricane (as if the 7 that hit the area the year before weren't enough warning) and the flooding that had already occurred in Louisiana from the one only 2 weeks earlier couldn't have told them that hurricanes are dangerous and a pain in the ass. So people move here, and they expect everything to be perfect. Then you have people that move here from other countries. As I said there is such a mix of Latin American people, and they treat the area like their treat their home country. My old apartment had trash everywhere. Cockroaches, Palmetto bugs (big cockroaches), and a large mix of bugs because the people that lived there threw their trash everywhere. I asked a couple about it to find out why they were doing it, and after giving me a dirty look for not speaking Spanish they told me, "Who cares, everyone does this where we come from, its not illegal, let someone else take care of it." So instead of staying where they were from and trashing their home country they decide to move here and trash ours. So when I moved to my current apartment and I saw that it was clean, and that everyone around me were from areas similar to where I grew up it was not that much of a shock to see that there are no cockroaches or palmetto bugs in any of our apartments.

So yeah, every year I get asked the same question, "Why do you drive so far to register your car in New Hampshire?" and the answer is obvious... I don't want anyone to think I'm from Florida. I am not now and I never will be a Floridiot. I can only hope that the rest of the country doesn't become as bad as this has become, but I am not ignorant enough not to notice when things start changing for the worse in areas that were at one time nice.

Back on Track

Today marks the official day that the Solara has outlasted the Concorde. You may remember from my last post that the Concorde was the ill fated car that I owned for a week. I have a feeling that for the rest of my life all cars that I will own from here on out will be compared to the Concorde in the following ways.. and yes even the Camry was a direct comparison:

1) Comfort - The Concorde was the first car that I had with leather seats, and it was one of the most comfortable rides that I have ever owned. I must admit that it impressed me right from the start with how a car of its sheer size could react as graceful as it handled on the road.

2) Size - If the car can't hold at least a basic repair kit, a set of golf clubs, at least 2 suitcases and a duffle bag, then chances are I will not be buying it. While I am not a man that is attracted to a sedan style car (I love the look of sports cars, but I am just too damn tall for the ones in my price range) I know how I travel, and I don't travel light.

3) Speed - Yeah I've mentioned in some of my previous blogs that when I started driving I was a lead foot. Far worse than I am now. While I hate most speed limits I hate slow drivers even worse, and if my car can't get up to speed fast enough to pass them when I have been sitting behind them for what I feel is far too long (depending on the day it could be 10 minutes, it could be 20 seconds) then I won't be driving that car either.

4) Sound - The car has to be quiet when it drives, but has to have a decent sound system. This is what I loved about the Concorde, it was so quiet but damn I didn't need to make any mods to the sound in order to enjoy it.

5) Finally Length of Ownership - While I can compare everything else before buying a car this is my final comparison. If I own it longer than the Concorde that is a good start... now its just keeping it as long as the Camry and thats even better. My dad is the only one I know that has a worse story about a car than I do... his Oldsmobile. He owned it for less time than I owned the Concorde, in fact he just signed the papers and was pulling out of the lot when some idiot swerved into him and totaled the car.

Well my Solara has lived up to all the specs that I could hope it does. I am happy for that. Now I just need to keep working my ass off until I make a higher pay grade. I'm sure the 10 hour days that I just started doing (because I am hourly and not salary) will begin to help, but they will also take their toll after a while. Now I just need to find out which days the company considers to be standard Holidays, and then give them a reason to put me on a salary pay. (I honestly hate salary, but I know that where I am right now I won't be able to survive on my hourly rate unless I sink in as many overtime hours as I can.

Now that I am getting back on track with work, I am also starting to consider my options for my next film. I have 2 ideas, and both of them can be done if I really work hard to put my effort into their completion. I think that this coming weekend I will be doing a lot of script writing so I can get everything down. On paper, then the story boarding will begin.

More to write later!

"The Wolf" Camry 1996 - 2007

1500 miles. Sounds like a long ways, and I can tell you first hand that it is. To put it into perspective think about how often you change the oil in your car. Most people do it after 3000 miles. When they make the change it usually happens lets say around every 4 months or so. So 2 months worth of average driving is the equivalent of 1500 miles. Well that is what I have done twice in the last week. Yes, I have traveled over the equivalent of what most people drive in 4 months in roughly 1 week.
My car, my reliable, comfortable, travel weary Toyota Camry is no more. 07/05/07 was a day of mixed emotions for me last Thursday when I drove my Camry for the last time to the dealership in Epping NH. The car that I had obtained in October of 2000, after having my Chrysler Concorde obliterated by a careless driver after owning for a mere week. The car that saw me leave my folks place for the first time when I ventured out to see if I could survive on my own when I moved to Syracuse NY. The car that survived many snow storms, and kept me safe even when I forgot to check the tread level on her tires one Thanksgiving and ended up in a ditch driving back to Syracuse because the intensity of the snow that day and the treacherousness of the road underneath the snow was unexpected. The car that helped me move back to NH, and then finally to Florida where I expected that she would probably find retirement.
Well this trip I knew she was hurt. When I left from Florida, she was already 1,000 miles overdue for an oil change, and she had a check engine light that had been triggered about 7 months earlier which never wanted to shut off no matter how many times I had her checked out. She had a new catalytic converter put on about 6 months earlier and as it turned out Midas did a slapshod job which turns out to cause more harm than good. Her protective plates covering the gas tank were falling off, and the entire exhaust system needed to be replaced. I can only say that she had seen better days. The only time she sounded or acted like her old self was after I got her back to NH. Maybe it was the familiar environment, maybe it was the cooler weather, or maybe it was that she, like me, knew that Florida was not the place to stay. Whatever the reasons she just seemed to like NH better. I could tell right away when her alarm system started to function again. It was the damnedest thing, for nearly 1 year the alarm system could lock and unlock the door, but refused to make a sound, and would not disable the engine if the alarm was triggered. One day after getting back to NH I heard a sound that I hadn't heard in a long time, the "chirp chirp" that she made when I would push the unlock button. To put it bluntly I was shocked. I brought her to my mechanic and he gave her the once over, unfortunately the prognosis was grim. He said that the Cat-converter under the hood was leaking and that it would have to be replaced, and because of the crap-tacular job Midas did on my other Cat-converter it appeared that it too was damaged due to poor installation, and would have to be replaced along with the rest of the exhaust system. In my head it seemed like he was explaining this to me the same way that a doctor explains to a family that the relative that is in intensive care has little to no hope, and that if I hadn't thought of making arrangements then I should probably do so now.
So I took her back to my place, explained the situation to my folks and they said that I should go car shopping over the next 2 days.
To cut a long story short, the dealer at the Honda Barn in Stratham didn't know what the hell he was doing, I started looking at a Civic with a bunch of options that I wanted, an electric moon roof being the highlighted feature that I was explicit about having on the car. So after test driving one and realizing that I was too big for a Civic... by too big I mean that when sitting in the seat my head was less than 1 inch from grazing the roof. I hit a small bump and realized that had it been a bigger bump my head would have gone through the moon roof. So the Civic was out. I asked the dealer if there was anything else he could show me that had the features that I wanted, and so he took me to the other end of the lot and low and behold, he shows me ... another Civic. Apparently he didn't understand. I mentioned that I didn't think the Civic would work, and that I wanted to see a Sporty car that was a little bigger. Again he must not have heard me because he redirected me to the Civic he wanted to show me. He kept talking it up like it was the greatest thing in the world, he said it would have plenty of room for travel, and it would be a great value being that it was a Honda, and it was a 2005. So as we got to the Civic I noticed a few things.
#1) It was the same size as the last one that I test drove
#2) It had regular hubcaps instead of the Alloy Wheels that I was checking out on the first one.
#3) There was no moon roof or sun roof.
#4) It was the most generic Civic I had ever seen. No features that stood out at all!
So I reiterate to the dealer what I wanted in features, and what I was looking for in a car. He said he would see what he had. After returning he said that he didn't have much in the used options that would meet the specs that I was looking for, and that if I was interested he would give me a quote on the Civics. At this point I just wanted to leave and so I told him to give me the quote so I have a comparison to the other car that I was looking at (a 2003 Mitsubishi Eclipse). So he wrote up the quote and said that if I wanted to buy the 05 Civic he would give me nearly 5K for my car in its current condition, and if I wanted to 04 Civic (with all the features that I wanted) he would only be able to give me 1K for my car. Well I was tired of him pushing the no frills Civic and said that I had a few other places to check out before I would decide.
So I finally got to the dealership where I bought my first 2 cars (the ill fated Concorde, and the Camry that I was now almost 2K miles over due for an oil change on, and should have been in intensive care). The only thing is, they were no longer there! They had only been in this dealership for about 7 years and now it was a shell of a building. Needless to say I was not thrilled, but I did manage to find a sign that said "we have moved". So I drive home jump on their website and find that they still have the same address I had just checked. So looked up their number and gave them a call and much to my relief they had kept the same phone number. They gave me the new address and I drove right over. It looks like they had only moved within the last week as everything was laying around everywhere. They had just started paving the parking lot, and all of their cars were in a giant cluster-f$@k in the back. So I went to the back of the building and started looking around. A dealer came out and began asking me about what I was looking for, and when I gave him my specs he said "Oh look, I'm sorry I was helping these other customers, and it appears they need more help, let me get other dealer to help you out." Which I belive translates into "So you don't plan on leasing a new car, or buying one that is going to be more than 15K, I have no interest in wasting my time with you so I'll pass you off on someone unsuspecting sap that could care less about the commission on this sale." So I walked away not seeing anything that I could keep within my price range that could even compare with what I was already driving. As I almost got to the end of the row, I suddenly saw a car that I didn't see in the lot earlier. I walked over expecting to see a 25K price sticker on it and I was surprised when it was much less. So I checked it out a little closer, and it looked like a nice car. So when the dealer came back to me he said, "Did you find something you have a question about?" and I replied, "Yes, I'm going to find someone that is interested in helping me." Feeling put off he said, "Well I guess I can go with you into the store and see if there is someone else willing to help, if you have any questions otherwise let me know maybe I can help you if no one else can." Well as it turns out the lady that sold me the first 2 cars was still working there, and I approached her and said "There is a car in your lot, this is what I can afford, here is what I have to trade, and I don't care how you make it work, I plan to drive away with this car before the end of the week."
I'll skip past the negotiations and the haggling, and to cut this already long story a little shorter, we worked it out. I signed the papers, and on Thursday I drove my Camry for the last time. I had already cleaned most of her out, and the last few things that I had to do was to remove the stereo and the amps. After taking everything out I made the final arrangements, signed the documents, and drove away in my new Solara. Its strange to think that an inanimate object can make you feel bad as you leave it behind, but as I drove off the Camry finally seemed relaxed, sort of at peace, almost as if it were saying, thanks for the good times, and thanks for not leaving me in Florida.

"The Wolf" Camry 1996 -2007 (the original Wolf)