Precious Snowflake Syndrome

The tail end of a generation. We have had a lot of labels, most of us are familiar with the moniker "Generation X". I can say that I include myself in the tail end of that generation. It is the one that came directly after the "Baby Boomer" generation. The few years after I began growing up there was another generation... it is one that has no defined moniker... it is a "morphing" generation that we have heard referred to as "The TV generation", "The MTV generation", "The Pepsi generation", "Generation next", and a dozen other names that are there to tie in a current pop culture trend to the kids that are growing up from the early 80's.
It was within this new generation that things began to change. The 80's, the age in which style was disgusting, yuppies were making millions on the people that were spending as frivolously as possible, and perspective was something that no one could seem to find. The issue was that in this time when drugs were rampant in the highest paying jobs, children were accessories, and kids were being given names that were supposed to be styled and tailored for success: "Taylor", "Dakota", "Tyler", and a thousand other non-conformist names were designed to make these kids instant celebrities.
These kids were raised to act like their parents were acting. They were not raised on Lego's they were raised to be demanding and influential, and because of which now we are getting the ultimate backwash. The "influential" kids began acting as adults far too soon, never being reprimanded when they did wrong, and threatening to take adults to court if they didn't get their way.
I can remember being 13 years old in the early 90's and hearing about kids that were taking their parents to court for various reasons. These thoughts all came flooding back when I read on June 18th that a 12 year old girl in Ottawa Canada took her father to court for grounding her. He had decided that there were some online chat sites that he did not feel it was appropriate for her to be accessing. He put a block on those internet sites preventing her from accessing them from home. Later he apparently found that she had accessed those sites from a friends house and posted pictures of herself online that he considered to be somewhat risque. For disobeying him the punishment he imposed was to ground her for 3 days, she was also prevented from going on a school field trip, and he took away her internet access.
She in turn took him to court, and SUCCESSFULLY sued him. Judge Suzanne Tessier decided that the punishment was too severe and she ruled in favor of the child.
On June 19 Bill S-209 was approved by the Canadian senate and it headed to the house of commons. What is Bill S-209 you might ask? It is the "anti-spanking" bill. Yes, you read correctly, the Senate has passed a bill which may very well become Canadian law which will prevent any person of authority including parents from spanking their children.

Over the years I have watch things head in this direction, and I have done very little about it. In fact I looked with disdain at people that would allow their children to get away with things. When I grew up I remember being spanked when I would do something I wasn't supposed to do and it kept me on a straight and narrow path. I remember spending many afternoons being told that I was not allowed to leave my room... these days that is no longer a punishment.
Why was it a punishment when I was a kid? That's easy, I didn't have anything in my room other than books a few generic toys and an old turntable. When I was being punished I didn't have any of the entertainment items that we see littering children's rooms these days. If you were in your room for 2 - 3 hours it was boring, you didn't have video games and your own television, you certainly didn't have your own phone, but now a-days things are different. Parents put all of the entertainment in the children's room and they have no way of effectively telling the child "NO!"
I remember having a neighbor who was at the beginning of the next generation. I remember his mother reprimanding him. She even reprimanded me once.... it was the easiest punishment I have ever experienced. I don't really remember what I did, I probably swore and she told me that I was going to be punished and that I would remain in "Time Out" until I was sorry. She put me in the corner of a room and told me to stand there until I felt sorry. I think I must have freaked her out because I was so used to remaining in my room for 2 hours or more that I just stood there, and I didn't move. He son would stand there for 20 seconds - 1 minute and then say "I feel sorry" and she would tell him that he could go. I must have been standing there for almost 10 minutes and she got worried that I hadn't "felt sorry yet". I didn't understand that she wanted me to tell her when I felt sorry. When you are in your own room with nothing to do for 3 hours then you know what it is like to feel sorry. When you are standing in a corner for 10 minutes when you have a friend that is waiting in the same room for you to play then its not exactly a learning or growth experience.
Having experienced the stupidity of the "time out" I realized why my friend had no fear in acting out whenever he wanted because he would only have to say "I'm sorry" after 30 seconds of standing in a corner and all was back to normal. Now when I am out in public and I see a child telling his/her parents off I realize that these are the children of the "time out generation". These kids would have no idea what to do if they had someone bigger than them grab them by one arm and open hand smack them repeatedly on the ass before being put alone in a room without entertainment or outside communication. The kid would most likely start planning to contact their lawyer as soon as they got their cell phone back.
Back in 2002 I did have one experience that I will not soon forget. I was working at a place that I will refer to as the "Blue and Yellow hell" and I had been in the middle of one of the worst weeks. The Christmas rush was over and now people were in "return and repurchase mode". This is when they return the gifts they were given, they get a gift certificate, and then they wait a day and repurchase their gift as an "open box" item thus getting the gift back and keeping the difference of the gift certificate. There was a man that was in the store and he was upset over the fact that all the cheapest computers were sold out and they would most likely not be replaced for a few months. He began swearing up a storm. I told him that since there were children in the store if he did not stop the foul language I would have him removed from the store. He then "dared me to fucking do so", I had 3 of the biggest guys in the store aid me in escorting him from the building along with the assistance of an officer that was in building at the time.
I felt justified in my actions and proceeded to go through the rest of the day as I normally would. It was the next day that I had to do the same thing. This time it wasn't a full grown adult that I tossed from the store but a child and his mother. I was working on trying to keep the department running smooth when I suddenly heard, "NO! I FUCKING WANT THIS GAME! FUCK YOU! I WANT IT!" I quickly made my way to the isle where I saw a little kid that couldn't have been more than 7 years old clutching an XBOX game in his hands and the mother who was looking completely disinterested in her child as he continued to drop the f-bomb over and over again at her. I approached first trying to be passive by asking if there is anything I can help her with, and the lady said "No I'm just browsing". The child on the other hand continued to scream. I allowed this to go on for about 20 more seconds before I approached the woman again and this time I said "Ma'am I am going to have to ask you to control your child. This is a family store, and your child is screaming obsenaties at the top of his lungs. If you cannot control your child I will be required to have your removed from the store." She looked at me as though I had 9 heads and said something to the effect of "He is his own person and I will not stunt his personal growth". It was then that I had the 3 biggest guys in the store assist me with the help of another officer that was in the store in removing the woman and her precious snowflake. Being that the store was in tax free NH and there were a lot of out of stater's that would drive there we had a lot of officers that would frequent it to make sure that things were ok.

I believe that now is the time to shut down on the "precious snowflake" perspective. We need to take away the notion that children need to express themselves however they like. We need to take away the idea that children are smart enough to know what is good for them and that they will learn the most from their own mistakes. If we don't teach them that what they have done is a mistake then how are they going to make that decision? We now have a generation of children that are greedy, immoral, and lacking the basic ethics that we were taught when we were kids. Just because your parents may have assisted in screwing up your life doesn't mean you have to pass those ideals on to then next wave of miscreants. As a society we need to reform the way we view children, we need to teach them that they can't have everything they ever wanted just because they exist, we need to tell them that they need to know what it is to truly earn a reward. There is no such thing as entitlement and if they think that we are going to just give them everything they want simply because they say "I want it!" they are wrong!

Eventually I will have children, it will be a huge change in my life, but the one thing that I will not do is put them in a position of power especially since I have been fighting to get even the slightest bit of control my whole life, and when I fight and succeed it puts me in a position where I feel as though I have truly accomplished something and that I have earned what I receive.

I'll leave this blog with a quote from the late great George Carlin. This was his take on children from his standup special "You're all Diseased":
" Something else I'm getting tired of in this country is all this stupid bullshit I have to listen to about children. That's all you hear about anymore, children: "Help the children, save the children, protect the children." You know what I say? Fuck the children!

They're getting entirely too much attention. And I know what some of you are thinking: " Jesus, he's not going to attack children, is he?" Yes he is! He's going to attack children. And remember, this is Mr. Conductor talking; I know what I'm talking about.

And I also know that all you boring single dads and working moms, who think you're such fucking heroes, aren't gonna like this, but somebody's gotta tell you for your own good: your children are overrated and overvalued, and you've turned them into little cult objects. You have a child fetish, and it's not healthy. And don't give me all that weak shit, "Well, I love my children." Fuck you! Everybody loves their children; it doesn't make you special.... John Wayne Gacy loved his children. Yes, he did. He kept them right out in the yard near the garage! That's not what I'm talking about. What I'm talking about is this constant, mindless yammering in the media, this neurotic fixation that suggests that somehow everything--everything--has to revolve around the lives of children. It's completely out of balance.

Listen, there are a couple of things about kids you have to remember. First of all, they're not all cute. In fact, if you look at 'em real close, most of them are rather unpleasant looking. And a lot of them don't smell too good either. The little ones in particular seem to have a kind of urine and
sour-milk combination that I don't care for at all. Stay with me on this folks, the sooner you face it the better off your going to be.

Second, premise: not all children are smart and clever. Got that? Kids are like any other group of people: a few winners, a whole lot of losers! This country is filled with loser kids who simply...aren't...going anywhere! And there's nothing you can do about it, folks. Nothing! You can't save them all. You can't do it. You gotta let 'em go; you gotta cut 'em loose; you gotta stop over-protecting them, because your making 'em too soft." - George Carlin

The End of an Era

This morning I woke up the usual way as I normally would. Started my regular routine, and grabbed a book that I have been reading called "My boring ass life" by Kevin Smith. Essentially the book is a diary of his life during the time that he was preparing and eventually working on the film Clerks 2.
He began to talk about another movie that he was in called Catch and Release, and how it was appropriate for him to be part of the movie because it was very much in line with the style of his movie "Jersey Girl". It was at this time that I started thinking about Jersey Girl and how it was not as bad as many people have deemed it to be, the saving grace of the film being that he got some people to act for him that made the movie what it was... one of those people being George Carlin.
I began thinking about how Carlin had done some amazing things over the years and how his brand of humor has been one truly reflecting the best points as well as the most asinine ideals that we maintain as a culture.
In fact it was only about 3 weeks ago that I dug out his book "Brain Droppings" and I presented it to my girlfriend to read. She knew about Carlin, but from what I know never really followed a whole lot of his work. I told her that since she and I think along the same level, she would probably really get a kick out his book, and his perspective.
This morning I also had one other thought.... this is odd for me to understand because I have had this thought many times before over other well known celebrities... the thought was "Man, things are gonna really suck when Carlin goes, the world is going to lose an amazing person, a brilliant mind, and what could be conceived to be a modern day philosopher." It was roughly 40 minutes later that I learned that George Carlin died last night at roughly 6pm PDT, (9 pm EST).
While 71 seems like he lived a long life, the average lifespan these days is about 78 - 79 which means to me that he died younger than he should have.
His life was exceptional in the idea that he was one of the few people that experienced things from multiple perspectives but did not allow the worst of things to take him down. Over the years he was an admitted drug and drink addict. It took a number of years for him to work his way past that but once he did he remained clean and sober. He could speak clearly on the subjects that many people haven't experienced first hand and offer a clear perspective of what things are like in layman's terms. He also did this successfully by being descriptively funny. He liked to point out things that people knew existed, but make sure that it came about in a way that it really made them think about what others were actually saying.
Over the years his observations became less playfully observant and more of an attack. His material became more abrasive and brash as it dug into issues that no one wanted to have thrown at them. Even up to the point where after 9/11/01 Carlin prepared for his latest HBO special and ultimately had about 25 minutes of it cut out because the execs thought that he went after the 9/11 subject too abruptly at a time when people might take serious offense to his opinion.
Carlin wasn't what one would call a man of few words, for words were his weapon of choice and he wielded them as only a master could. If you haven't had the chance I would highly recommend finding as many of his albums as possible and seeing the progression of his comedy. Also read his books, he wrote 3 best sellers which can now be bought in one paperback collection. While he may no longer be with us, his obscure thoughts and poignant observations will always remain strong.

It is with a sense of loss that I write this, a final farewell to one of Americas most amazing minds, it was truly a pleasure to bare witness to the brilliance that was Mr. Carlin. While there may be many others that follow in his footsteps there will never be another one quite like him.

-Ryan Fulton

Jason Fulton December 27, 1972 ~ June 9, 2008

This blog is written in memoriam of my cousin.
To those of you who live in New England you probably heard last week in the news about a man in Lempster NH who was reported as to have jumped off of a the Brattleboro bridge in Vermont. The reason it made such news is because the man in Lempster was reported as being the man that jumped… he shared the same name as an optometrist in Claremont New Hampshire one town over. The name the two man share being Jason Fulton, both age 35.

Jason Fulton of Claremont is my cousin.

I write this as my way of coping with the situation. I don't exactly know how I should respond. I can say that my mind and my heart have both been screaming in anguish since I was told. They both are screaming for very different reasons. My heart screams because he was a very caring person. We shared many experiences together. He was the first grandchild on my father's side of my family, he was the first of the grand children to get married, he was the first to have a child. He was also technically the most successful of us all in getting his degree in Optometry. He was also well on his way to having his own practice.

I have so many reasons to look up to him and so many reasons to believe that he was a great person. When I would go to Loon Mountain as a kid he was the one that I spent most of my time with because he was only slightly older than me and I could easily identify with him. Loon Mountain was the one place other than my grandmother's house that I associate with Jason. As kids we would go on the occasional hike in the mountains, we would race to the top of "The big rock" behind the timeshare home. We would spend time in the arcade or at the pool just hanging out and having fun.

Every moment I think of my heart screams louder realizing that there will never be another time in which we will get together, and while I have never had the chance to meet his wife or his daughter (because of my time in Florida) he will never get to be the one to introduce me to them.
It screams for every moment that we have shared, and every moment that we will never share again. God damn it Jason I miss you…

My mind is screaming in pain because it can't fathom why he could ever do such a thing. How the hell could you do this? Someone of your intellect and your beliefs and you go and destroy the worlds of everyone that cares for you! You selfish jerk how the hell can you abandon your family, your daughter, your unborn son! The fact that you felt that the world was coming down on you and that everything was going wrong.. yeah I can understand that, I'm in the same spot… everything that I have been trying to accomplish has been tough, it certainly hasn't been a walk in the park, and while things are coming down around me and I look at what appears to be a dead end at every corner I still push forward. We all do! Life isn't easy for any of us and it's even harder for those of us that refuse to back down, so what the hell?! Take the easy way out? YOU SELFISH PRICK! My mind can't comprehend how you can do this because it makes no sense, you were the provider! You were the one that was taking care of your family! You helped them accrue the debt that you were working at paying off and then you just abandon them??! Leave them in a position in which they are now buried under the weight of the world that you were building for them only to rip out the main support beams before it was finished!

You also robbed your sister of her happiness! She just got married two days before you decided to do this! THE HELL ARE YOU THINKING? You got a wedding, you got a honeymoon, you got to have the happiness that you so longed for all of your life, and the moment your sister finally gets the same kind of happiness you steal it from her! You just swoop in and destroy it! You thought this was the easy solution, you thought this was the way that everything would be alright… everyone you left behind that was counting on you will have the hardest times of their lives! You never thought of that! You never thought of what the consequences were to those that you leave behind and for that you hurt us in a way that you can't imagine. I love you Jason, but there is no way I can respect this choice… I've never had reason to be angry with you before but I can't let this go… and my anger may never die because you took the easy way out and made such a cold hearted self absorbed choice.

I don't know what to do… I don't know what to think… my mind is pissed at him and my heart is crying for him, and those emotions are so conflicting that my body is locked. My mind won't let me cry for him, and my heart won't let me curse the choices he has made. I don't know what to do…. I feel more statuesque as I think it over my emotions are almost encased in granite.

Because of this my dreams are getting more painful. While my dad had tried to tell me that it's just a dream and that I shouldn't allow it to affect me but also don't tend to second guess what I see. I haven't dreamt of my grandfather in many years. The last dream I had of him was shortly after his death. In that dream he was relaxed. He looked younger than I ever knew him, he looked like he did in pictures that I had seen of him growing up, long before I was born, long before my father was born. This new dream was different. In this dream he was the man I remember when I did something that he wasn't happy with. He was a very strong man, someone that had a presence that people didn't challenge. When I made mistakes and he corrected me it instilled fear and later respect. In this dream he was angry with me. He was correcting me again… reminding me that Jason... no matter what he has done... is still family. You don't EVER turn your back to, or your heart away from, family. I keep wondering if this was because my mind was getting too aggressive over the way I felt and something needed to keep me from shutting down. Either way he didn't like the fact that I was more pissed at Jason than sad. The fact that I haven't cried (and I still haven't) over the loss of his life, over the situation that his wife is now going to be in, and the torment that my Aunt and Uncle are now experiencing is the source of why he is angry at me. I have a feeling that this is going to take a long time for me to resolve… it's not like anything else I have ever experienced, it's not supposed to be like this….

"Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, love leaves a memory no one can steal." – A Tombstone in Ireland